Info & Etiquette

Should I attend this funeral?

It can be difficult to decide whether you should attend or not. Funerals aren’t usually an “invite-only” event. If you knew the deceased, attending the funeral is an opportunity for you to remember their life and pay your respects. If you did not know the deceased but are close to the grieving family, then it is a way for you to show your support to them.

If you feel your presence will make the family of the deceased uncomfortable or if it is a private event, do not attend the funeral.

How do I address the card?

When sending flowers or plants to family or friends of a deceased loved one to the funeral home you'll need to put the name of the deceased as the recipient so that when it is received at the funeral home they know which family to give it to. If you are sending them to the residence then you would address the card to the friend or family member who has lost someone. 

What should I wear?

Historically, black is the traditional color of mourning, yet is not the only color you may choose. Grays and blues are also safe options. You should opt for something conservative, tasteful and subtle. A general practice is to stay away from decorative patterns or bright colors. Suits for men and dresses or suits for women are always appropriate. If you’re attending a celebration of life which may be held outdoors, attire doesn’t have to be quite as formal. Be cautious of being overly casual; avoid flip-flops, shorts and t-shirts.

Where do I sit at a funeral?

Typically, the first and second rows of seats are reserved for close family and friends of the deceased. The remaining rows are for all other attendees. If you arrive late, it is a courtesy to sit in the back, so you do not disturb others. Once seated, it’s important to remain seated during the duration of the service.

When should I arrive at a funeral?

A good practice is to arrive 10-20 minutes early to allow for time to interact with other guests. If you arrive late, use the side aisle to find a seat near the back; do not walk down the center aisle.

Should kids attend a funeral?

Yes, it is okay to bring children to a funeral, especially if they were close to the deceased or are interested in attending. Babies and toddlers are often left with a babysitter since they may require more attention and distract you from being mentally present at the service.

I want to send something to the family. Any ideas?

Sending sympathy cards and food are always good ideas. Having meals, or even snacks, helps when family and friends of the deceased are gathering together. You can send flowers to the funeral home or even have them delivered directly to the family. Chances are, they are feeling overwhelmed, so you can simply ask them what they need or how you can help.

What’s the difference between a funeral processional and a funeral recessional?

A funeral processional marks the beginning of the funeral service. This is when the casket is brought in. The processional is led by the officiant and is followed by the pallbearers who carry the casket. Next, the family and kin to the deceased walk down the aisle, followed by close friends as they take their seats in the first few rows.

A funeral recessional marks the end of the funeral service. Again, the officiant will lead the way, followed by the pallbearers who carry the casket out. Family and friends of the deceased then follow. Typically, a member of the family will give thanks to the remaining guests at the ceremony. Finally, the funeral attendees make their way over to the gravesite, where the deceased will be laid to rest.

Funeral? Memorial? What’s the difference?

Both memorials as well as funerals are held to celebrate a deceased person’s life. Both give those who knew them a chance to pay their respects. These events typically take place in a funeral home, a church, or other suitable location the family has chosen.

The term “funeral” is used to describe a ceremony honoring the life of a deceased individual. A funeral takes place when the body is present, and the service may be either an open or closed casket ceremony which involves a processional and a recessional. Family and friends have the opportunity to take one last look at the deceased before burial or cremation.

A memorial takes place when the body of the deceased is not present. Think of it as a funeral “in memory” of the person. In place of the casket, a picture, urn or flower arrangement may be used as the focal point for the memorial service.

How can I continue to show my support?

The loss a person feels does not end with the funeral. Grief continues long after the funeral and affects individuals differently. People deal with their loss in unique ways; their life has been completely changed.

There are many ways you can extend your support to the bereaved in the weeks and months after a death occurs:

• Offer to do something specific for them. Don’t ask, “Can I do anything?” The bereaved person doesn’t know what they need. Instead, simply offer help or your time. “I will bring over a meal for you” or say, “I’ll be over tomorrow to mow your lawn.”
• Remember the important milestone days throughout the year – events, birthdays and anniversaries. Simply reach out through an email, text, phone call, or send a card.

Is it okay to send flowers to the family's home? If so, when is it appropriate to send them?

Certainly. This is a great way to express your sympathy and it is very common. Some people choose to send flowers to the home immediately while others prefer to wait a week or more. There are no rules.

Is it still appropriate to send flowers if the obituary mentions a charitable donation?

Yes. Flowers help say what is often difficult to express, they are always appropriate and in good taste. Flowers also play a functional role, adding warmth to the service and providing the visible emotional support that the family needs during this time.

What is appropriate to send for a cremation?

Almost anything that is appropriate for a normal funeral service can also be sent for a cremation service including fresh cut flowers in a vase, potted plants and standing easel sprays.

Is it appropriate to send a plant to the funeral home? If so, will the funeral home send it to the family after the service?

Yes, the funeral director will notify the family members that they may take the plants with them after the service.

Is it acceptable to send roses or flowers in a glass vase to the funeral home?

Absolutely. The only time this may not be acceptable is if the service is graveside because most cemeteries do not allow glass containers. In these cases, we recommend standing easel sprays or wreaths.

What is a Shiva Call?

If the deceased was Jewish the immediate family will hold a "Shiva" in their home for seven days after the passing. It is customary for friends and coworkers to come by the home and pay their respects to the family, this is known as paying a Shiva call. Desserts, fruit and Kosher food baskets are traditionally taken to or sent to the home, however, flowers are not appropriate for a Shiva call. We recommend choosing one of our many gourmet gift baskets: (link)

I just heard the sad news… Is it too late to send sympathy flowers?

Some people choose to send flowers a week or so after the funeral when the initial chaos has passed. No matter how much time has passed, the gesture of sending flowers reminds the bereaved that you have not forgotten them and you are still thinking of them and their loss.

Is it okay to send a fruit or gourmet food basket?

In some cases, particularly in Jewish cultures, a fruit or gourmet basket is greatly appreciated by a family who is receiving out-of-town guests during the mourning period. This type of gift does double-duty, delivering your condolences while helping to care for and nurture family and friends